Page 14 - Humanism 2019

Humble Abode

By Kelsey Wong, COMP student itchy), a bon-bon in “The Nutcracker” (with itchy
adornments on my wrists and ankles), and Mary Poppins’
eing “at home” is a colloquialism that bluebird (also itchy, but my favorite because I got to hide
Bextends farther than being in the in a nest). I didn’t remember much from those times,
physical location of one’s house. Rather, because I quit in favor of other artistic pursuits — piano
the idiom is used in the context of being and martial arts.
confident and secure in one’s identity or aptitudes. It
appears that being at home is equivalent to being content. I picked up singing in a choir, because piano was too
solitary. To succeed in piano meant hours of solo practice.
The further along I got in my academic career, the more I To succeed in piano meant winning solo competitions in
struggled to feel at home. I went to an undergrad order to play with an orchestra. To succeed in piano
institution that was known for being cutthroat. People meant taking master classes, where mistakes would be
talked about how, in particular, pre-meds were ruthless – corrected in front of an audience. To succeed in piano
throwing away classmates’ quizzes as they were passed to meant that I would have to carry the stage and captivate
the front, arguing in office the audience by myself. I
hours over grades, and already knew peers who
competing for research “…my journey to ballet and my time did that, who won national
opportunities. I found competitions, who played
myself taking a lot of learning ballet was a practice in being with orchestras. And as a
writing and literature comfortable with failure. hobbyist, my goals of
courses, where we It was practice in being at home reading music and enjoying
questioned art, identity, what I played had more or
and existence. It was a field with my own flaws — my inflexibility, less already been fulfilled.
of study where one person’s my lack of balance, my inconsistency, I was on the brink of
narrative could change the taking piano seriously, and
course of an entire story. and my newness.” then I decided that it was
The reality was that in not for me.
college, I never felt entirely at home in the sciences or the I started ballet after being inspired during my senior choir
humanities. That was why I double-majored in biology recital in college. It had been a performance of Carl Orff’s
and English. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to “Carmina Burana,” where we accompanied choreography
take only biology courses or only English courses, because and performance by Smuin Ballet. It was already an
I knew something would be missing. amazing opportunity to sing such a famous work in a
In medical school, I felt even more out of place. People large ensemble and with orchestra, but it was a life-
coped with the immense stress of school in different ways, changing experience to perform alongside a live ballet
but the most common coping strategy was to drink away company. I was enamored of their stamina, strength, and
the sorrow. In the first year, it was common to hang out at gracefulness, and of the dancers’ abilities to tell a story in
breweries after every exam. only a few movements of their bodies and the expressions
on their faces, difficult to see from the audience. The way
I didn’t know if we were running from the same demons. that dancers collaborated to perform lifts, captivated the
All I knew was that I needed an out. I needed a different audience, and performed the near-impossible with
way to save myself, something that could become a apparent ease. I wanted to strive for perfection too.
lifelong habit. An enduring passion. In high school, that
had been writing. In college, that had been singing. In When I got to medical school, I saw that one of the
medical school, that would be ballet. teaching fellows was in a local ballet company as a full-
time member. I told myself that if she could be a principal
I had taken ballet as a child. They dressed us in tulle dancer, then I could do beginning classes. I e-mailed the
dresses and partnered us with the older girls. But I had principal dancer and asked where I could take lessons,
complaints about each of the roles I played. I remember and she directed me to her ballet studio.
being Little Bo Peep’s sheep (the costume was the most

11 HUMANISM IN THE HEALTH SCIENCES 2019 • VOL. 22