Page 20 - Humanism 2018
P. 20
By Monica Aguilar, MS, PharmD ’18
M y dad used to call me his shadow because mine recede. While this was happening to him, I was
wherever he went, I was right there by his
studying for an exam. I suddenly felt like half of me was
side. I’d always see my dad talk to everyone
missing. I felt a terrible and indescribable sensation of
with the warmth and conviviality that defined him as a
person. Everyone loved my dad and knew him as a man lacking, missing, and incompleteness.
overflowing with reservoirs of love, kindness, happiness There is still much I am missing, and I feel that loss
and strength. I am so proud to be his daughter. He used deeply every day. I inherited my father’s sunshine; on the
to tell me that he wished he could have given me nicer, outside, I am naturally smiling, sanguine, and warm to
more expensive things. I told him that I considered the people around me. On the inside, however, is that
myself incredibly wealthy because he was my father and same terrible and indescribable sensation of lacking and
mother. I call my dad my sunshine — the gentle rays of incompleteness that started the hour my dad passed,
light and joy that touched my life and caused the growth except now, it also coalesces with grief. This makes me
of wonderful things from just the smallest of seeds. The think of when I was a child and I witnessed my dad
warmth that nurtured me and loved me unconditionally. losing his beloved mother, my grandmother. With the
same love and resilience that he faced everything in life,
Children, however, are meant to fulfill their own he explained to me, “It’s natural, it’s a part of life… I
destinies. Thus, the time came for me to move out and know she’s with me.” I think of those words often.
start at UCLA. I told my dad I would be right back.
Then came time for me to pursue my master’s degree, I recognize as a health care provider that when someone
and I stayed in Los Angeles longer to attend USC. At loses a loved one, that loss should be treated with careful
last, I was nearing the end of higher education and began compassion. Circumstances of the patient’s family may
attending Western University of Health Sciences. I not be ideal, or what the health care provider is familiar
studied hard for many years for many reasons. Among with. A loss should be handled with care — not by
the most cardinal of those reasons was so that I could beginning to fire several questions, and not with
take care of my dad, and give back to him. Alas, I had aloofness, as the family hurts in great darkness. It may
not come back home yet. Instead, I married and gave be best to do away with the self-inflicted pressure to
birth to my son while attending WesternU. I wanted the speak, say little to nothing at all, and simply lend a
same gentle, loving, strengthening sunshine that touched listening ear.
my life so profoundly to touch my son’s life as well. I Regardless of the darkness, light can still be perceived. It
dreamed of my son and my dad growing older together, can be a wave, and it can be a particle. It is a type of
and my son learning the ways of my dad’s light. energy, and thus cannot be destroyed. My dad’s light is not
the same form I knew all my life; it has shed its physical
Light, regardless of the form it takes, is still measured by
time, and my dad’s time ran out. My sunshine woke up layer, but I still perceive it every day. My dad is still my
one morning in his usual joyful spirits, started to do his sunshine. I can still feel his light. Whether its absence
laundry, and went into cardiac arrest before he could scourges like ultraviolet light or its presence nourishes like
even unload his clothes. As his light faded away, I felt gentle sun rays, I can still feel the light, always traveling at
the fastest of all speeds into my heart. l
18 HUMANISM IN THE HEALTH SCIENCES 2018 • VOL. 21
M y dad used to call me his shadow because mine recede. While this was happening to him, I was
wherever he went, I was right there by his
studying for an exam. I suddenly felt like half of me was
side. I’d always see my dad talk to everyone
missing. I felt a terrible and indescribable sensation of
with the warmth and conviviality that defined him as a
person. Everyone loved my dad and knew him as a man lacking, missing, and incompleteness.
overflowing with reservoirs of love, kindness, happiness There is still much I am missing, and I feel that loss
and strength. I am so proud to be his daughter. He used deeply every day. I inherited my father’s sunshine; on the
to tell me that he wished he could have given me nicer, outside, I am naturally smiling, sanguine, and warm to
more expensive things. I told him that I considered the people around me. On the inside, however, is that
myself incredibly wealthy because he was my father and same terrible and indescribable sensation of lacking and
mother. I call my dad my sunshine — the gentle rays of incompleteness that started the hour my dad passed,
light and joy that touched my life and caused the growth except now, it also coalesces with grief. This makes me
of wonderful things from just the smallest of seeds. The think of when I was a child and I witnessed my dad
warmth that nurtured me and loved me unconditionally. losing his beloved mother, my grandmother. With the
same love and resilience that he faced everything in life,
Children, however, are meant to fulfill their own he explained to me, “It’s natural, it’s a part of life… I
destinies. Thus, the time came for me to move out and know she’s with me.” I think of those words often.
start at UCLA. I told my dad I would be right back.
Then came time for me to pursue my master’s degree, I recognize as a health care provider that when someone
and I stayed in Los Angeles longer to attend USC. At loses a loved one, that loss should be treated with careful
last, I was nearing the end of higher education and began compassion. Circumstances of the patient’s family may
attending Western University of Health Sciences. I not be ideal, or what the health care provider is familiar
studied hard for many years for many reasons. Among with. A loss should be handled with care — not by
the most cardinal of those reasons was so that I could beginning to fire several questions, and not with
take care of my dad, and give back to him. Alas, I had aloofness, as the family hurts in great darkness. It may
not come back home yet. Instead, I married and gave be best to do away with the self-inflicted pressure to
birth to my son while attending WesternU. I wanted the speak, say little to nothing at all, and simply lend a
same gentle, loving, strengthening sunshine that touched listening ear.
my life so profoundly to touch my son’s life as well. I Regardless of the darkness, light can still be perceived. It
dreamed of my son and my dad growing older together, can be a wave, and it can be a particle. It is a type of
and my son learning the ways of my dad’s light. energy, and thus cannot be destroyed. My dad’s light is not
the same form I knew all my life; it has shed its physical
Light, regardless of the form it takes, is still measured by
time, and my dad’s time ran out. My sunshine woke up layer, but I still perceive it every day. My dad is still my
one morning in his usual joyful spirits, started to do his sunshine. I can still feel his light. Whether its absence
laundry, and went into cardiac arrest before he could scourges like ultraviolet light or its presence nourishes like
even unload his clothes. As his light faded away, I felt gentle sun rays, I can still feel the light, always traveling at
the fastest of all speeds into my heart. l
18 HUMANISM IN THE HEALTH SCIENCES 2018 • VOL. 21
